Grieving our Times with a Death Doula

For more on the sort of work Stacie does, keep an eye on Taosurfers.com or send us an email at thepynp@gmail.com.

For this episode, Jeff asks Stacie (a death doula, AKA, end of life doula) to take over the episode and offer comfort and wisdom to our whole society the way she would work with an individual who was facing his or her mortality. This comes from our realization that, while we want to promote hope in our times, we also don't want cheap hope, or the sort of shallow positivity that covers over injustice without remedying it.  

We’ve had a tough week emotionally, and we had it easy. In speaking with our friends at church via Zoom, we realized that most of us were disheartened by the ongoing isolation of the pandemic, but more importantly by the explicit and pervasive racism we’ve seen throughout American Christianity. Jeff even got fired up and called down “woe, woe, and a thousand times woe” as his various connections fought it out over entirely different pictures of the world and entirely divergent perspectives related to the Kenosha shooting. This made us realize that, while we know damn well what is right, we aren’t yet sure how to try to be part of the solution. Sure, we can help a few people here and there come from darkness to light, but how can we romance people back to the way of Jesus instead of just getting angry about the outrageous boldness of the spirit of Molech within our churches today.

Make no mistake, the way of justice and mercy (Micah 56:8) does involve overturning tables, mini online jeremiads and protesting from time to time. And when something is crappy, there’s nothing wrong with pointing out that fact. However, we’re in the process of trying to figure out the best rhetoric and life choices for healing our times. For now, we’ve come to think that Jeff’s primary vocation is to be prepared to die for his beliefs if necessary (figuratively or literally, and not in an armed confrontation but as a barrier to evil) and Stacie’s primary vocation will be to help Jeff and all people live well as they stare death down (literally or figuratively) in the name of love. If you think we’re being too melodramatic here, we most definitely hope you’re right. But we shall see. And we aren’t worried about it one bit. We are as content as we’ve ever been with our task, even though we sometimes get frustrated it has to be this way.

In the end, we are hopeful not because we have hope in any earthly institutions or structures of society, but because Jesus calls us never to give up hope that even our worst enemies might one day be saved—even our enemies within the so-called churches—and come out from the darkness and into the great light of peace, hope and understanding. We are hopeful because we hope against hope just as Abraham did (Rom. 4:18). Indeed the monumental move Abraham made (then called Abram) was to leave the protection of the god-kings of the Ancient Near East and set off on a path to life that wasn’t about domination and power but about living more naturally with the land, and creating an alternative to the power-intoxicated kingdoms of this world. That sounds good but it is a terrifying proposition in a world of violence and inequity. And yet, in faith, he stepped out into the unknown, following the Voice.

We recognize that we can’t just all get along these days until everyone gets on board with the reality that people are being crushed under systems of hate and cruel power, including those tragic souls who think they are part of the system of power who end up being little more than low level minions that are expendable. We recognize that we can’t just all get along until everyone is able to live free and thriving lives. So, again, we offer no cheap hope, but we won’t give up on it even if it is beaten out of us in this life. But do not give in to fear or despair with such talk, friends, since even faith the size of a mustard seed can eventually move mountains.

One last note: Stacie explores the idea that when we see people suffering, we have a natural tendency to look away. This opened Jeff’s eyes to something in the parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37). We normally focus on the Good Samaritan himself, and the dude who got beat up and left to die on the side of the road. We say to ourselves—we should be swell and not racist. But what Stacie unpacks in this week’s reflection is a reason why the priest and the Levite walked by on the other side. Some have said it is about Jewish purity codes, but in a lecture we attended with scholar Amy-Jill Levine on the parables, we learned this reading doesn’t square with the rabbinic traditions of the time (and may reflect latent Christian anti-semitic glosses on the text that go back centuries). What if they were in fact doing what most of us do? We often ignore the suffering of others because we can’t bear to face our own suffering and mortality.

Into all this, Stacie speaks words of sober reality but deep comfort. Jeff really needed it this week. Maybe you can use a little of this loving guidance too.

Note: with respect to Death Doula work, there are not yet any officially established governing bodies, as the field is in a pioneering stage. But you might start here to learn more.