Is It Better to Be Loved or Feared? (Tao Te Ching 17)

17.

The best leader goes unnoticed.
Second best is the one who’s loved.
Third best is the leader who’s feared.
The worst is the leader who’s loathed.

If you don’t trust people,
there’ll be a lack of trust all around.

Great leaders
choose their words artfully.
Then, when they 
achieve something great,
everyone owns the endeavor
as if it were their idea from the start.

Reflection

Lao Tzu is many things to many people. Some wonder whether he existed at all, or whether the Tao Te Ching might be a collection of wisdom from several sages. But if we assume that he was a historical individual, he is definitely an important political philosopher. Another important figure in the history of political philosophy was Niccolò Machiavelli (1469-1527). A major question Machiavelli addressed in his famous work The Prince was whether it is better for a leader to be feared or loved.

Ultimately, he concedes that it is great to be both loved and feared. But if you have to choose only one of the two, he contends it is safer to be feared. There’s of course a way in which his perspective is correct: if you want to maintain power and domination, then fear works. Look, for instance, at the tight grip dictators around the world have been able to maintain through instilling paralyzing fear among their citizens.

The problem here is the metric of success. If all a leader cares about is his or her own power and safety, then acting like a warlord or drug cartel boss might make sense in the short run. If, however, the flourishing of the society and its people is the measure by which we consider a leader successful or not, then fear is not the way forward. It can keep people from getting out of line, but it can’t give them space to innovate, create art, or develop new models that might guide a culture toward the common good. 

The Tao Te Ching, unlike The Prince, is about the mission itself, not the person on top of the hierarchy. In the long run, this is in the best interest of the leader. By creating a space for experts to do their excellent work in their unique callings, quality and thriving abound. The best leader isn’t even all that interested in approval, though the legacy of integrity will usually mean that historical observers will love them, and so will those who appreciate not being dominated by a tyrant. 

Don’t forget, there’s one key ingredient that is needed for this model to work: trust. This can’t just be expected, it has to be established and maintained. The leader who has been trustworthy and faithful over time can often get skeptical folks on board for his or her bold project. Likewise, a leader who entrusts important projects to teams in the down line can enjoy more buy in. And when success comes, the leader doesn’t need accolades. The ideal leader is content if the mission is accomplished. This isn’t about false humility but perennial wisdom. It applies to little and magnificent ventures. And it brings lasting success in most cases.

What stands in the way of this formula? Too often, it is the fear within the very heart of a leader. This can be fear of “impostor syndrome,” fear of outsiders and scapegoats, or just fear of failure. The fortunate irony is that by letting go of fear, true leaders learn they really had nothing to fear in the first place. They let things proceed naturally, with just a little nudge here and there to guide things along.